broken

words lose their meaning over time.  the word love, for example, is used regularly in exchange with a feeling we communicate.  i can write a million verses on the word and some of you will be able to relate, as it would seem that we've had similar experiences with the feeling.  i can articulate my version of hate or dislike, for we have all moved through fits of rage and dark corners of despair.  i can dust glittered particles over emotions to make you feel loved and i can throw flaming arrows that would make some angry.  the writer controls that, we get you to see emotion from our angle, leaving little room for our subjects.  

there is a word however that i can not control; an emotion that can only be described as broken.  somewhere between the poles of love and hate, closer to the latter, there are times when we must break.  you can't experience the light of love without having lost pieces of yourself somewhere along the way.  

there are people you keep near, friends.  these people will help you find those missing pieces and carefully hold them until you're ready to walk again, to move forward once again.  as to not burden you with the state in which these fragments were collected, friends keep the chipped corners of your heart hidden until you're ready to face them.  

and yet, as much as the keepers of these pieces would do anything to hold on to them, there will come a time when it is up to you, the owner, to mend.  you are in control of the wholeness of your heart and soul.  and you are the one who, in ways, allows the debris to scatter.  you permitted the broken boundary you once cared for.  nor the tears, nor the pain, nor the words spoken into you can fix what you've allowed others to break.  

and it hurts.  a hollowness that runs faster than water down a drain.  a sort of pure emptiness that takes your breath and burns holes through your core.  a realization that, again, an allowance has been made on the parts you try and keep from ever being compromised. 

however, without darkness there couldn't be light.  without heart break, you might not ever learn to love.  this cycle that we create from an early age most likely never goes away.  and honestly, the preparedness that we offer each other won't change direction for you, or for anyone.  therefore, we learn.  we re-build.  we remind ourselves why we love in the first place and delight in those thoughts. 

i can't tell you exactly how it happened but i can tell you exactly how it felt.