you build me up just to break me down
and i can't quite get it straight.
what i've felt has since surpassed
brushed me over like it mattered.
knowing how it is with you, with me
on terms i never wanted to accept
in bouts of denial, sacrificial to hearts
feeling torn and somewhat battered.
because i can't flip the switch like you can
and maybe i don't want to know otherwise
i started to think it'd become different
but only existed in dreams as i slept.
i've wanted to matter on terms of my own
and to let myself free this time,
nor confidence nor appeal nor force of will
would paint me differently in your eyes.
and today as i settle on things i must learn
through my internal conflicts and strife
nothing has been as clear and condense
as the red of your harsh brake lights.
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