Sunday, February 26, 2012

the addiction that is masochism

strengthened by the past, 
weakened by the present.

you move through your daily life with a certain amount of confidence.  it adjusts your spine, throws your shoulders back, brings a certain glow to your face.  you think the world of yourself because you are nice and thoughtful and genuinely care about other people.  small memories of what you have gone through in the past has helped to create the person you are proud to call yourself today.  then, without warning, you revert back to that scared little girl who was once lonely and without friends.  the girl who hid her emotions from others and relied so deeply on their opinions to help form your own.  wondering how, in such a blink, you could think any less of yourself. 
and yet, you are comforted by your own self loathing.  because if you prepare yourself for the worst of what could happen, and what the wheels in your stomach are telling you to be true, you won't feel an ounce worse than you do right now.  because if the sadness that has consumed your dreams for days and days becomes reality, you are no worse off than you are right now.  
you have lost pieces of your heart before, it's time to go and find them.






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