if when i ask

if when i ask

do me the honor of answering

if when i speak

do me the service of listening

if when i care

lend me a piece of your heart

if when i criticize

know i mean well

if when i judge

understand you do too

if when i cry

be there for me

if when i doubt

give me your faith

if when i love

don't show me hate

if when i break

mend pieces with me

if when i let go

help me to release you.

scars

scars are interesting.

they tell a story almost in themselves.

i have a scar on my eyebrow from learning how to walk.

i have a scar in the center of my forehead from learning how to share.

the body works fast and hard to mend these scars in short periods of time.

if not taken care of, scars can become infected and become worse off than when they occurred.  

but the deepest scars are sometimes the ones we don't see at all.

the worst scars, of course, are the ones we don't do ourselves.

for these wounds may never heal.

these wounds will scab over time, but may never get the air and care they need to mend.

such are the scars on our hearts.

we may not see them all the time,

but they are always there.

and it is up to us to breathe,

and remember that all scars tell a story.

even if that story reminds us of heartbreak.

my last breath

your daring manner

and vain disposition

brings my stomach to my mouth.

your unwilling ways

and un-penitent heart

brings my nerves

to the surface of skin.

and who are you good sir

to walk away

with my dignity in your hands?

how have you been so clever

and in sly ways bold

to think of me so poor?

but i know something

that you don't

and it's a truth that lights fire in my eyes.

for you, a scared

and cowardly man,

gave yourself away

such a time ago.

so you should know

as you gloat and scoff

at the woman you 

thought you knew;

upon my last days 

i will remember you

for the good man 

i knew you were.

but as sure as you are

of the lies that you tell,

my last breath

won't utter your name.

cir·ce

she will find you when you don't want to be found.

through dark spaces, 

she moves, 

like fluid,

to suffice her desires.

and when your guard is down and in unsuspecting ways

you're drawn to her; 

for she 

won't stop

until you are hers.

in webs of deceit and nets of lies, 

you justify your lust for her.

she knows your temptation

as sweet as her scent,

and try as you may

there is no escape.

for the hearts of men are easily moved

from one woman to the next.

and as you read this,

a truthful warning,

you're being lured 

and drawn to her burn.

but i shall not re-write this tale

nor try and convince you 

that you're different from the rest.

because when she moves in 

on unsuspecting hearts

she leaves you more broken

than before.

オレンジ色のバラ

i look at you in reflective admiration.

in wanting to mirror your innate beauty.

and yet, i feel embarrassed; 

a disconnect perhaps.

as if i were disappointed.

as if i were unhappy.

that i were not thankful for being here now.

the blues or greens that live in you

are untouched.

from a distance, you are striking

and upon closer view intriguing.  

for who am i to take you from the ground?

but beauty like yours exists in this world,

you gave me that hope,

even when surrounded by others like yourself.

and though you do not speak,

i hear the words you want to say.

as they have been written in me.

you are there,

and for that i am pleased.

say when

he looks down at me and lifts my chin with his finger.

my eyes rest lowly on the ground.

in dark moments of deep despair, i have wished for this moment.

to meet him face to face.

for my questions have singed the facets of my soul

and yet,

here he is.

at night laying down i look up at the stars.

i ask him for the impossible,

hoping for a shooting star.

i cast wishes upon their tails.

when tears fall from red and green eyes,

i call him to take me home.

my arms shoot up from my body

reaching for what i can only feel.

he moves his eyes to meet with mine.

a perfect calm moves through my cavity.

a flicker through his expression;
i think i've had enough,

he says, "say when".

misery (put me out)

standing behind the gate, 

i feel the freshly fluffed dirt below my feet;

i smell the new sodded fields,

i hear the roar of loved ones far away.

normal capacity would stand others beside me

but this race is my own.

your whistle blows and i flee,

the gate swings open and i run as easily as i once stood.

i run towards you, towards parts of me i so desperately seek.

my feet move fast 

and the scenery becomes a blur as i move through it.

higher and higher off the feeling of flight, i know no pain.

yet suddenly, without warning, i begin to slow.

the vision of you so far ahead has changed;

you stand near me now.

fire.  

the skin of my feet are torn and my bones plead for rest.

overwhelming amounts of electricity 

shoot from limb to limb.

i lay in a panic and beg for your mercy.

and then, 

as if in a slowing motion,

a shot rings out that chills the crowd to hush.

powder and smoke linger like fog over my body.

the pain has ended.

all i can form,

"thank you."

true love

i believe in true love.

i believe that the universe works in ways that can not be explained.  

i believe that you know from the moment you meet their eyes and the moment they meet yours that life as you have known it, will never be the same.

i believe that you love a person because of who they are, not how they live, where they come from, what they look like.  when you can no longer explain to yourself or others why you feel or what you feel.  when the anxiety that rides through your core like an unmanned freight train is no longer present.  because you feel safe with that person, because you can't feel anything when you're with that person.  

i believe that you don't necessarily marry the person you find true love with.  that you may only be in this person's life, physically, for unsure moments.  that no matter where you go, or what you do in life, they will always be with you.  they will be present in every person you meet, every song you hear, every book you read and everything you see.  

i believe in the exchange of the unspoken.  i believe the power that comes from such a pure and rich experience can not and will not ever be translated or articulated in any language.  i believe this because you will never know exactly how i feel, nor will i ever be able to know how it is that you feel.

i believe that the universe works in ways that will never be explained to me.

i believe in true love.

spring day wind

through blankets of white 

and the still crisp air,

you hide behind broken trees.

moving too slow to see

yet too quick to find

you're gone before being found.

with a patient agenda

and a generous con

you arrive upon dire straits.

blowing through broken trees,

shutting out still crisp air,

you erase blankets of white.

not then to mislead the weak

nor tear flesh from their hearts

you've vanished from faded minds.

but deep inside we know, and you

just like this temporal spring day wind,

will return.